Submitted by Kevin Erickson on September 28, 2008 - 1:37pm.

As a young adult, I believed I was a victim. I had experienced some mistreatment at the hands of others as an adolescent. I was a “late-bloomer” who had been made fun of by my peers. On a small scale, in my own little corner of the world, I experienced life as hurtful, painful, and less than fair. At least on a small scale, haven’t we all?

Feeling hurt and being angry lie very close to each other. I didn’t usually show my hurt, but I often showed my anger. My anger festered and grew, and with the passage of time became firmly held resentments and black-and-white self-righteousness. Yes, I was quite sure that I knew who the good guys and the bad guys were. Of course, I saw myself as one of the good guys.

As middle-age approached, my resentments became so entrenched and so pronounced that I began to cross a line. I went from someone who had been quite careful not to hurt others, to someone who no longer really cared that much if I hurt others. Even as I was actively hurting others, I persisted in viewing myself as a victim. The subjective experience of pain had become an objective lashing out. The victim had become the offender. “That guy” I was pointing at “over there”… well, it turns out that I’m that guy. Ouch!!

During his discussion of Ezekiel today, Rob reminded us that we’ve all been victims and that we’ve all been offenders. And, that while some have more often been one than the other, none of us is immune to either. Ultimately, we’ve each acted in ways such that our hearts and our spirits know the conviction of having hurt another child of God. We each know what it means to be treated unfairly, and to treat others unfairly.

It turns out that this business of trying to divide the fair from the unfair and the good from the bad was never any of my business to begin with. It turns out that that’s God’s business. As Ezekiel points out, as an individual within a community, God’s intent for me is that I cast away all the transgressions I have committed against him, and get myself a new heart and a new spirit -- even if I’m still smarting from the unfairness of my past…rather, especially if I’m still smarting from the unfairness of my past.

Meditations